Living back at home with my parents whilst we wait to complete on our new house I have been thinking about how lucky we are to have a such a great support network. I was sat with both my parents last Sunday evening when we marked the end of babyloss awareness week with our wave of light. I know they felt the sadness watching our two candles. There are many people involved in our fertility journey, it’s not just us as a couple who feel the devastation. Family, friends, nurses, our consultant; they are all along for the ride too. I’ve never really thought about how my mum has coped with it all watching her daughter go through it, so below she has written a short post from her perspective on our baby loss and journey as a both a grandparent and mother.
Fertility problems and baby loss are devastating for the couple but also the immediate family and friends. Some may not completely understand what it really means to go through it. The pain each month when a period starts, the loss of a pregnancy that actually happened or a failed IVF cycle. I know I didn’t before as it never happened to me, I have a better understanding now having gone through it with my daughter. Sometimes I wish it had happened to me instead as I have to stand by and watch the pain.
I always had a gut instinct that Kate and Phil would have a baby, it would just be a matter of time. “All good things come to those that wait” This statement doesn’t make it any easier, you want it now. But it sustained me enough to be able to support Kate along the wait without appearing too distraught as well.
Miscarriages seem even more harder to bear, so cruel to give you the gift of life, then snatch it away. Nature isn’t always kind and it’s difficult to be positive but I have had to be and so must Kate & Phil. I won’t deny there have not been sleepless nights as grandparents to be. We feel the loss as well for the child that will not be born or join that family that longs for them. They are not forgotten or grieved for too, but after the joy of being lucky enough to have one grandson we are thankful for the success story and pray for the next as they keep trying.
We will always encourage them through the months of whatever treatment required to achieve the dream. The more you try, the more likely you are to be successful I suppose, but it is so easy for them to give up hope. For some people like Kate and Phil it is more of a marathon to endure than a sprint but never giving up on that final result is hopefully enough to sustain you along the way.
Again, I feel positive all will be well again but just cannot say when. Some things are a mystery to us, why, we do not know, they just are. All we can do is be there, stay positive and be their support whenever they need it. We always believe.